“As full of spirit as the month of May,
and as gorgeous as the sun in Midsummer.”
My heart is so full
of all the things my life has contained
of sunsets and summer
of woodlands and fall
of dancing and my mother
and every inch of my family tree
of growing taller till my shortest height
My heart is full of music and art
and Virginia and pot pie
of friends and coffee, pride and prejudice, grape juice, and bare-feet
My heart is so painfully
You’re girl is eighteen! I get such joy in filling days with lovely things and on May first my favorite people did that for me so that made me happy. I’ve had to have the conversation with many people that, yes, technically I am an adult now but no I am not a grown up, nor will I ever be one. I’m too short to grow up anyway.
Spring is bringing beginnings and endings as it always does and I am more excited than I am anxious and that is rare. It amazes me that we work so hard just to live the way we want to. As I move from high school to something else, I find that the “something else” likes to torments most people. We can’t seem to be content with simply living and yet we work so hard everyday to simply live. The only way I defy society and get through the something else of living is to know that the world is not all there is and that it doesn’t have to satisfy our human souls.
I’ve often stood in front of a mirror and not recognized my face. I open my eyes wide trying to see myself through them but those blue-green glass like globes hide my spirit well. I am a shell of human existence housing a being of wisp and magnitude. I’ve felt my brain twitch inside my skull waiting for its detachment from my brain and yet not longing for it. Somehow still bound by the fear of losing the shell we call “known” and we deem life. I have felt my soul, and I know it’s there. Have you?
“Life is unpredictable
It changes with the seasons,
Even your coldest winter,
Happens for the best of reasons,
And though it feels eternal,
Like all you’ll ever do is freeze,
I promise spring is coming,
And with it, brand new leaves.”